Yes, every so often I like to lift the veil between your world and mine and say a little hello and as this blogosphere thing has really taken off I thought I’d try my hand at it and I’ve been experimenting with different voices because when you know everything and you’re everywhere all at the same time and you exist simultaneously through eternity, well it’s kind of hard to find your voice.  All I really know is that I like long sentences.  I’m not complaining. I’m just telling it like it is.  
     Oh and one more thing to add to that list of my superlatives:  I also feel everything that’s happening all across the universe. Ladies I hope that doesn’t perve you out and guys I hope that doesn’t make you feel creepy. You know, sitting in front of your computer and reading that I can feel every part of you. I mean it doesn’t matter where you go, I’ll still be feeling everything everywhere all the time. I just thought I’d add that to the list of omnis: omnipresent, omnipotent and omnitoccare (all touching.) You know that’s not always listed. It’s nowhere in the Bible. Yeah, I know it’s a little creepy but its something else that the Lord Almighty Maker of Blah, Blah, Blah can do. I can do that with my eyes closed so you know if I make a typo now and again what of it ?  And the Earnest Canuck who took my silly George Bush story way too seriously, come on dude. Lighten up. I do count the number of times people laugh their way through their life you know.
    Christ my Only Son, I’d hate to fart in that guy’s presence.  (Oh yes I also smell everything all the time too. It’s not easy being God, let me tell you.) 
  Okay so here’s today’s story…

God Versus You

Art thou for something rare and profitable?
Wouldest thou see a truth within a fable?
– John Bunyan

     John Bunyan’s official biographer, who toured America to launch his six hundred-page magnum opus about Bunyan’s teenage years, found himself thirteen cities later exhausted and disillusioned with almost no beliefs left for God. “Apart from ‘Baby Bunyan- the first three years’ all my other biographies about John Bunyan have been through the roof best sellers,” he prayed to God at the foot of his hotel bed. “Why have my readers forsaken me, God  ?”  When he returned home to his wife and daughter back in the outskirts of Seattle, he was greeted with hugs and kisses. “Does God hug you like this ? Does he kiss you like this ?” his wife whispered to him in bed later that evening. The next day, as she packed and got ready for her book tour, she yawned and yawned. “Good luck,” he said begrudgingly in a muffled kiss on her cheek.  “Mommy, mommy don’t forget your book,” their four year-old hollered from the top of the stairs. She ran down the steps with the book over her head like it was weapon. “I was wondering where that copy was,” she said and looked her husband in the eye.  She knelt down to kiss her little angel. “You be a good girl for daddy while I’m gone.”  After three months, her book tour for “Atheism is Just Alright with Me”  was a resounding success. John Bunyan’s official biographer – for he had appointed himself as such – started on his next biography about John Bunyan’s ass. An instant bestseller, he was sure.

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