Yes, in Hollywood where anything is possible.  Where somebody can stick a camera in front of Keanu Reeves and call what he’s doing “acting.” A place where a dead and blind body-guard is keeping an eye on the safety of our country’s super-stars.
  To be honest I only get the occasional gig and when I do I’m looking after B level stars who can’t afford to pay for a real body-guard. I suppose I’m more of a show body-guard than anything. However, I am seven feet tall and I work out at the gym everyday so I am an imposing sight. I frighten the bad guy away. For my bread and butter, I mainly get by on stand in work. I was once a stand in for Whitney Houston in the movie the Body Guard. At the time she had a very soft face. I was also the main stand in for Alf. He wasn’t so soft. He felt like he was made out of brillo pads. They didn’t like me touching him but that’s what I do. That’s how I know the world.
  In my spare time I’m working on a script. This blog has been my chance to experiment with different voices that I’m going to put into this movie idea I have. I’ve never had the chance to feel the face of the President of America and so by writing about him I can picture what he’s all about. I was reading about Winnipeg jails a week back and that resulted in a character who’ll go into this movie. The movie is like a combination of Crash and the Wizard of Oz. It’s going to be crazy.
  Anyway here’s today’s story…

The Deaf and Blind Fairy Who Wanted to Help

   The deaf and blind fairy who wanted to help fluttered in the air in front of the little boy’s face. She bounced from feature to feature like a finch darting from branch to branch on a tree at the start of spring. The little boy tried to stay still but she kept poking him in the eye or knocking him roughly in the lip. 
   “I’m sorry I’m just trying to get the whole picture here,” she yelled as loud as she could but the words reached the boy as a whisper. “Tell me what you need again.”
   She flew down to his lips to stretch her body horizontally across the top and bottom. She looked like a Walt Disney band-aid applied to his face. She yelled at him that he could start.
   “Okay well my dad needs a new car and my mom needs a new washing machine and I need a new bed,” he mumbled and under the weight of the fairy’s body the words didn’t come out with clarity. “Car” sounded like “girl”, “washing machine” sounded like “Worcestershire Sauce” and “bed” sounded like “bird”. The fairy flew towards the boy’s ear. 
   She repeated what she felt.
   “And just nod yes or no if that’s correct,” she said hanging from his ear like a drunk stowaway on the side of a ship. He nodded yes to affirm that he understood her directions but before he had time to nod no, she’d fluttered off in search of a girl and Worcestershire Sauce. Maybe a grocery store would do the trick, she thought to herself. She thought she remembered bumping into one somewhere south of the forest.
   The boy started to cry. Why were all the magical moments in his life marred by some horrible act of misunderstanding ? He looked in the direction of home but didn’t want to 
move. His fingers flattened out against the palms of his hands, making two deflated fists. He did this when he was worried.
   Just then a robin in a tiny wheel-chair rolled up to the boy. 
  “Do you have twenty-five cents,” it asked. “Or maybe just a smoke ?” 
  “I’m too young to smoke and I don’t have any money.”
  “Thanks for nothing,” it said as it rolled off.
   The boy felt like a jerk as he stood in the middle of the field waiting for things that he didn’t even want. After a couple of hours he walked home.
  Three days later, the fairy found the girl, bottle of Worcestershire Sauce and bird but she couldn’t find her way back to the field in the middle of the forest.
   She just wanted to help give a boy a happy ending but once again things ended in confusion.
   Everything she touched turned to confusion.