Over course of past three weeks on this blog, I had claimed to be total of 23 different people. I wrote that I was Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, stand up comic from L.A. and a head ache specialist from Minnesota. None of this is a true. The fact is I’m Kim Jong-il, the Most Esteemed Leader of Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.
   Hello, people of the world.
   I write this blog in order to prove to the world that I’m not only the most funny and most wise and most compassionate leader in the world, I’m also the most up-to-date and really with it hip. Recently however the actions of Canadian government have forced me out of my hidden secrecy in the blog. I must stand up and applaud Prime Minister of Canada for insisting that scientists working for Environment Canada clear all statements with the government before chatting with the press people. My scientists been working under these liberating conditions for decades and they have advanced theories which prove 1) that I am the most handsome man in the world, 2) my jokes cause more laughter than any other gag man and 3) it is scientifically impossible for anyone to be more cleverer than myself.
      I would like to suggest an exchange program between Canadian scientists – along with their government handlers –  and my own scientists. Let’s talk Harper !! I like your style.
     My scientists have also scientifically prove that I’m the best short-short story writer in the world. Here’s something for your fun.

The Naughty Frog 
(His Esteemed Leader Kim Jong-il’s Prize Winning Translation of Traditional Korean fable)

  Once upon time, there was Child Frog who disobeyed Father Frog in every way. Father Frog said go left and Son Frog go right. Father Frog said look up and Son Frog looked down. It was no communication between themselves and their relations were very much like myself and George W Bush. (With me in role of Father Frog and George W Bush like son to me even though he is not as handsome but I have many children around world from international “flings” that happen when I secretly leave country to prove that I am in fact world’s most “wild and crazy guy.” So maybe George W Bush is like Luke Skywalker and I am Darth Vader but because movie is American propaganda I’m cast in role of villian. In fact I’m good guy but I still tell Luke Skywalker Bush, “I’m your Father.” He’s so lucky.)
    So this Father Frog is feeling sick to death and he say to Son Frog, “You must to bury me next to river when I am die.” Father Frog used “reverse psychology” because he thinks stupid Son Frog is going to do opposite and bury him in the hill. After Father Frog was dead, Son Frog knew he was so bad son so he changed his mind. He wanted to obedience his Father and he buried him next to river but after first flood, his body is washed away. 
   Son Frog feel like jerk so he cried garu-garu which is what we hear when it rains. That is what George W Bush will sound like after he retires and he fails to show me proper respect. “I’m not capable of putting on big parade for Kim Jong-il now in retirement. Garu-garu. Garu-garu.
  This is sound Korean frog make President of America. Someday you’ll make this sound. You’ll be croaking regret you didn’t want to party with one wild and crazy guy who could be your father because it’s been scientifically prove that my other rockets (my little guys) are faster and stronger than any other sperm on planet. They could compete on Korean swim team for Olympics if I want them to. 
  That is all.