I get so little time to text these stories together on my cell so this has got to be fast. I’m Britney Spears and I’ve been posting these oddball stories because I want the world to see that there’s another side of me, another side that’s free of cheese, MTV and even chart-topping music. Yes, my behavior has been erratic lately but that’s all part of the plan, Stan. I’m as daringly creative in my music as I am in my life.

   Starting today I’m cleaning up my act. No more blending my meds in with splashes of booze and ice-cream to make those dangerously delicious shakes. No more public head-shavings. No more craziness.

   I did all that because I could feel that I was on my way down and I thought, “You say nose-dive ? and I say “How low ?”

   Nose dive !!

   How low ?

   Nose dive !

   How low ?

   Whatever I do I’m gonna do 100% and so if I’m gonna crash it’s gonna be out of control. It’s gonna be mixed nuts. It’s gonna grab the headlines like a choke-hold. And now I’m gonna tell the lucky few that are reading this a little secret…

   I’m on a come back baby.

   My next music video is gonna chronicle the rise and fall and return of Britney. My next music video is gonna be a collage of what I’ve been going through. It’s gonna be silent because I want the music of the past to ring in people’s ears. It’s gonna rival John Cage. It’s gonna be the very first silent music video.

   I’m stepping into the avant-guard baby and here’s a story to prove my point.



Contact Lenses on the Inside




   Britney yawned and stared at her blotchy face in the the mirror that stretched out along the bathroom wall. She opened the tray of color coated contact lenses and looked over all the colors. One of her first birthday memories was of tearing open a 42 pack of Crayola crayons. She’d giggled at all the choices but when one of the kids at the party tried to color her eyes blue she started crying. That boy was never invited to her house again. She thought of that now as she stared blankly into the choice of color coated contact lenses. That was a story that she’d never told in any interview.

   She picked up one of the blue lenses and held it up to her face. It was so early, she thought to herself as she yawned. She opened her mouth so wide that she felt like a muppet. Once again a memory came to her. She yawned and stretched on her tippy-toes and then, forgetting about her contact lens, cupped her hand to her open mouth. When was the last time that she had time to herself ? Remembering her lens, she looked at her hand but it was gone. She looked down at the white tiles but there was no dot of blue.  There was nothing on the counter.

   I must have swallowed it, she thought to herself. She looked at her body and wondered where the lens could be. Was it already in her stomach ? Was it still on its way down ? She wondered about what was inside of her. She wondered a million things that she’d never thought before.

   In the core of her self floated a little shell of blue.